My former work associate and friend John passed away last month on the 11th of July. He was 56 years of age. I did not attend his funeral because I did not find out about his death until a week after his passing. You know what is funny? We knew each other for about 5 years as work associates and then became friends, but I didn’t really know the man.
I knew he had two beautiful daughters that he always talked about and a girlfriend named Mary that he was deeply in love with, but beyond those conversations, there really was not that much substance. But, he had a great sense of humor and had a laugh that resounded in a crowd. He and I used to work together as marketing consultants at local firms in the Philadelphia region. I do know that he loved going to Starbucks for coffee and cold drinks. We spent many a day leaning back in reclining chairs outside of the constabulary trying to figure out the ‘master marketing’ plan for our businesses.
I don’t even know how John died, but I did know that he was not well. I remember getting a phone call from John in 2011 and found out that he was in a local hospital. So, I went to see him in the hospital and he talked alot about blood issues and other things without really saying what was going on. I then remember being handed an envelope for me to deliver to Mary’s home, which was not far from the hospital.
After John’s hospital visit, my contact with him was sporadic and I found out that his relationship with Mary was declining or was in the process of breaking down in some dramatic fashion. In some respects, one of his illnesses could have been a broken heart. After the relationship’s demise, Mary had created a blog and was once again part of the over 40 dating scene and this was litterally being publicly rubbed in John’s face every day for all to see, and there were even fans of the blog. (Similiar types of those that have yet to find the ‘slipper’ or the foot it was meant for.) I felt very bad for John. His smittenness with Mary had turn to frustration, anger and jealousy and she had succeeded in her mission to minister misery for his final inning. This was all taken to his grave.
Her blog was and still is ‘self serving’ and always refers to him in the ‘pros’ as the letter ‘J’. She uses the blog to discuss herself, her new boyfriend, her body, her quasi-fairytale life and how John was not the perfect man. You know, there is an old saying out there ‘that empty barrels make the most noise’ and I have met Mary on a few occasions. I never realized one person could be so vindictive and narcissistic at the same time, or very simply whether it was just the skin she was shedding before she moved on to a new relationship. In his ‘heyday’ with Mary and when we worked together, every time Mary called John on his cell phone at work, a ring tone from the song ‘There’s Something About Mary’ rang out! I have to admit. It became annoying after a while, but who was I to say anything. I was in the 9th inning of the divorce from Hell myself. He was committed to a woman who was a shelling of her former loving self. John had even invited me to their wedding which was being planned at the Pagoda in Reading, PA but the plans obviously never really took root.
John loved his children and they dominated most of our discussions, but he never took me up on an offer that I made to him over and over. I continually invited him to dinner at my home so he could meet my girlfriend and for whatever reason, there was never enough time, or there was always something else that took priority. I wasn’t insulted because I figured maybe next week or the following week there would be a day we could get together. John was also very quiet. Meaning: he did not share his feelings well and looked like he always had something to say but never said it. He would have been the perfect spy. Name, rank and serial number only.
My wish is that I could have got to say ‘goodbye’ to my friend at his funeral Mass at our Mother of Good Counsel Church in Bryn Mawr, PA. Since that can not and did not happen, maybe I will visit him at the SS Peter and Paul Cemetary and have lunch with him and sit on a nearby bench and pass the time of day. Rest in peace my friend. You are missed by many.
Steve
